I would like to start today by thanking every one of you for all of your support. There are times that I feel awful, lightheaded, sore, tired beyond description but then I have this feeling of lightness and I recognize it as all of you carrying me. Your prayers, thoughts, vibes, concern, encouragement and positive words literally carry me through the day.
I, often, feel that my life has become one more surreal day after another. I often feel that I really can't have cancer as I 'look great' as all of you keep telling me. I have a full head of hair! It turning white though and I'm thinking of keeping it that way as a badge of honor. Chemotherapy is hard and makes me feel sick, tired, sore and sometimes angry. I'm angry that I have spent most of my life doing all the right things and somehow have been betrayed. I grow my own food! I work out (I've done 6 triathlons), I eat good food, don't smoke (never have), maintain a good weight, I have managed my asthma for the past 20 years and yet I get cancer - it just doesn't make sense. Then, I think to myself that cancer made a mistake, not just because I will beat this but because I have so much support in my effort to beat this. And this is where the culture of care that I have noticed has such a wonderful impact. The atmosphere at MSKCC (Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center) is so caring and positive, every employee in whom I have come into contact with is so caring, concerned and gentle towards me and my family. They are vested in not just my treatment but in me as a patient who is battling cancer and they do this every day, as part of their profession.
The culture of care is not exclusive to MSKCC, it is all around me. Its in my colleagues who make copies for me, who encourage me, who assist me on a daily basis by helping carry my things into the building, out of the building, with planning when I'm out (Lauren), who check in to see what I need even when I can't remember what I'm doing from one moment to the next. They call this Chemo brain and there are days when I am so thankful for that stack of sticky notes I have to leave myself, all over my desk, lesson plans and calendar, without them, my students would think that I have lost my mind. There are days when I'm faking it until I'm making it,,, to the next bell. Teachers are part of a caring profession - we care for other people's children all day long - and sometimes those same students actually remember the things we have taught them.
The culture of care is in my family and friends. My family, who calls, texts, stops over to help with whatever we need. My extended family who continue to reach out and help with medical care and comfort has proven that cousins really are the best. My friends from all parts of my life who continue to offer support of all kinds. Thanks Judy for the best card ever!!! Southside Johnny sent me a card - the entire band signed it! I screamed like a teenager. The prayers sent are all so supportive and continue the culture of care. It makes me believe that there is no way that I can't win - how could cancer beat my team? I have the most support and care that anyone could ask for and I am so thankful - it makes me strong, it makes me believe that my medical team will be successful in my treatment and surgery and that I will become that statistic of a cancer survivor.
My family has created a team to participate in the Purple Strides Walkathon for the Pancreatic Action Network. We will be walking on November 12 in Parsippany. Many have already signed up to walk and donate. The PANCAN raise money for treatment and research to actually cure this cancer as it has become the number 3 diagnosed cancer in the United States. We will be wearing purple and participating in a culture of care to defeat Pancreatic Cancer. Click on the link to either participate or donate, go to team MP STRONG and sign up or donate and become part of the culture of care.
https://secure.pancan.org/site/SPageServer/?pagename=purplestride_event_details&fr_id=1320
